Kids, don't try this at home

So a few weeks ago I decided that I should take a little hiatus from masturbation (jacking off, rubbing one out, whacking off, etc) and fornication altogether in an attempt to force a peak of my creative side. So far all I've gotten are mutated blue balls symptoms to the point where I think I'm being stabbed, damn near wet dreams at the age of 28 and an unexplainable curiosity to research sex and the different ways it's enjoyed.

Today marks the 14th day of my experiment. In the beginning stages I felt I'd die. Absolutely EVERYTHING reminded me of sex. It was like something out of a horribly produced indie movie. A woman at 7 Eleven whom COULD NOT wait to eat the banana she had just purchased proceeded to deskin and devour it as she left the store, mouths are now evaluated strictly for tightening ability with a double-take follow up to assess probable softness, full feel and kissing tactics based on chewing action, and well, just an overall perversion of normal behavior. I called my significant other on the phone, heard a moan from being too tired and instantly shot into an erection. That's another thing; the erections---oh em gee and the effect of blue balls afterward feels like I've been kicked in the balls then someone came along and started stabbing at my lower abdomen. Dramatic, right?

Wet dreams. Ahhh remember those? Last time I had one I was 22, in Korea and on the last leg of a terrible long distance relationship with the most inconsiderate fucktard on the planet (or at least at the time so I thought). Long story short, I had a dream and all of you know how it ends. Well, slowly, but surely I think I'm working my way to those wonderful days of nocturnal emissions (yes, that was sarcasm). My dreams now (always about my significant other) are more vivid and scary to say, colorful than any other dreams I can remember. I didn't even dream this much about sex when I was a teenager!

Sex research, hmmm? How do you explain it? I had originally decided I'd post a new status message on Facebook each time I found an interesting fact about sex, but then that would completely go against my Facebook addiction recovery (not to mention make me look like an obsessed, border-line nympho to people that don't actually know me). I'm going to end this section with; the internet is full of interesting, insightful and dangerous information. I think people should eventually be licensed to use it at some point.

In conclusion (I hate ending pieces of writing like this, but I'm tired), a 40 day and 40 night vow isn't easy. I have been able to complete 4 episodes of a fake "show" I'm writing on Facebook as "Notes" called If My Friends Had Powers. Four episodes have been posted with 13 planned. I am excited about the potential my friends and associates see in my creative writing ability and the simple fact that by my words alone the things I am imagining can be visualized by someone other than myself. I honestly don't think I would have been able to carry it this far had I have been beating my meat when I get bored. My skin doesn't look as horrible as usual. Um yea...goodnight.